Anyone who has ventured onto the dating scene knows how difficult it can be to approach someone they’re interested in. Anxiety sets in and words can become tangled up. To avoid this, a lot of people will memorize lines and openers to put themselves into a conversation. Unfortunately, most women have heard lines a hundred times. What’s more, if there is no follow-up conversation, the line will fall flat and any rapport will be lost.
How to avoid this?
As trite as it sounds, the best way to approach a person is to behave like yourself. If you’re comfortable with who you are, then you can open a conversation without having to fall back on someone’s catchy phrase or tired introduction. When a person is confident and satisfied with his/herself, that confidence shines through. The most attractive combination is confidence and a smile.
If you meet in person, try to remember to hold your drink in your left hand. Cold drinks leave a hand wet and chilled, and that isn’t the sort of first impression anyone wants to leave with a handshake. After you’ve introduced yourself, make sure to use the person’s name. It will help you remember what the name is, and it can also encourage intimacy. Be mindful of your posture and your body language; nervous gestures, slouching or folded arms can send signals of weakness or non-social behavior.
When striking up a conversation in person or through messaging, try to remember that it’s about finding a connection. Asking a person what they do for a living or where they’re from may be easy, but it’s boring. Instead, try asking about their favorite vacation, the last time they watched a sun set, or something that delves past the surface and into more intimate terrain. Take a cue from H.P. Lovecraft, who said: “I never ask a man what his business is, for it never interests me. What I ask him about are his thoughts and dreams.”
Now that you’re in a pleasant conversation or e-mail exchange, remember that you don’t have to agree with everything the other person says. This doesn’t mean you should be contentious and argue about everything, but it does mean you can tactfully voice a different opinion. People don’t like to talk with someone who agrees with them all the time.
Be yourself and have fun, and others will appreciate you.